Mothers' Day

My cute momma

I wrote this while in a reflective mood while I was preparing decorations for the mother-daughter banquet at church, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

I was born January 16, 1976, twenty years after my only sibling.  When people hear this they ALWAYS exclaim, "Oh my goodness! Were you an accident?" to which I immediately respond, "No, I was a miracle."

I know all children are a miracle, but some of us are just a little more special.  When my momma was 39, she began to pray for a another baby, and God saw fit to send us to each other.  All was well in the Graham household.  Cassandra was in college.  Charlie spent his time disciplining the future generation and fox hunting; and Jackie had her new baby girl to take care of.

The happiness didn't last long though.  Just months after I was born, after God granted her her miracle, He also sent her biggest trial, breast cancer.  There she was stricken with fear, not only for herself and the rest of her family, but for me, this baby, not even a year old.  She didn't know what the future held for us, but she did know what to do.  She prayed.  My momma prayed all the time, and over time I learned that a great majority of her prayers were for me.  Throughout my life she told me over and over how she prayed to God to let her live long enough to raise me, this gift she prayed for, to be able to take care of myself.

In His great loving way God carried our family through that storm I don't even remember, but as the years passed, God kept giving my momma trials.  Sure, they were trials many people face:  the death and sickness of parents; sickness and surgical issues with daddy, raising a daughter who was quickly getting to that age where mothers know nothing but how to embarrass you all. the. time; and her own sickness.

During my life, momma battles cancer multiple times.  She lost both breasts.  It invaded her bones.  She quit work, went through radiation treatments, and all the time she smiled.  She smiled through the excruciating pain of having her bones turn brittle with cancer.  She prayed and gave glory to God while having to go through radiation twice when it was discovered the first treatment was given to her in the wrong spot.  She took me school clothes shopping and cut grass when she hurt so badly she had to stay in bed in the morning until her impossibly strong pain medicine took affect each day.

The cancer grew so bad my freshman year of college that my family kept it from me while I was away at school.  It wasn't until a few years ago I found out she carried on every day with pain so bad the doctor told her it was only a matter of time until her spinal cord would have to be cut because she wouldn't be able to live the pain.  Then, 19 years after she prayed for me, God answered her other prayer.  He took her home when I was old enough to take care of myself.

I tell you this not to be sad or to depress anyone.  I am telling you this to celebrate strength through adversity and praising God and passing His love on to  others no matter what your circumstances are.

Yes, I lost my momma at 19, and sometimes it doesn't seem fair, but in those 19 years, let me tell you she showered me with love like no other.   She never went any where I couldn't go.  I only remember having  a baby sitter maybe one time.  She taught me to love God with all I had.  In the car we hardly ever listened to the radio.  We sang old church hymns and crazy, silly songs her momma, who passed away when I was two, taught her.  She taught me to be silly, embrace innocence, respect myself, and to never settle for anything less than what I deserve.  She instilled in me a love of making things with my hands and looking out for others.

Many people who knew her tell me stories of how they would be sad or blue and didn't think anyone noticed, and then she'd show up with a pie or some craft or to pick them up to ride in the car laughing, drinking a Red Rock and just being girls.  There is no greater compliment anyone can give me to tell me they see those same traits in me.

I am so thankful for the years I spent with her.  She was crazy and fun and kind and hard working and loving and God fearing, and I like to think she gave all of those things to me.

It is unreal to think that as I write this in just four years I will have been on this earth without her longer than I was with her, and I miss her and think about her vivacious personality and love every day, but yet I am still not sad.  For God always knows what you need before you do and over the past sixteen years, He has been so good to me as to send me a practical regiment of amazing women I lovingly call My Surrogate Moms.

These surrogate moms come in all ages and have come from all parts of my life.  I could go on and on and list all the things these women have given me; the lessons they have taught me; the way they have enriched my life, but for the sake of time I will not.  But I can tell you this crazy sounding statement.  Yes, I would give anything to have her here today, dressed to the nines wearing her Revlon Cherries in the Snow lipstick and fingernail polish going on and on about how wonderful her daughter is, but I think in some ways my life, my story, my experiences are multiplied and greater because of all the amazing women who have taken me under their wings, who have given of themselves wholeheartedly to someone else's child.  In some ways, I know each of these women have given me things that she couldn't have.  I am more today because of the foundation she gave me and the upgrades each of the surrogate moms have added to my life.

A lot of times I dread this weekend.  In my gloom I often say, "What is there to be happy about.  I don't have a mom, and I'm not a mom," but then I have to stop and say, "Wait a minute.  You have to be joyous today.  You not only got to have one mom who prayed for you and brought you into this world, but you get to have a myriad of moms who paint your life with a kaleidoscope of colors one person could never do."

So on Mother's Day, this nonmother with no mother will not be sad.  Instead, I will joyously celebrate the beauty and great gift of being a woman, of knowing what it is to love wholeheartedly and unconditionally like only a woman can despite DNA.  I will honor the great life and legacy that was my fabulous momma and recognize the great team of surrogate moms, who I am still picking up along the way, and are still helping me write my story.